I'm not gonna lie. Embarrassment is a default setting for me. Embarrassing moments are a lifetime endeavor. I've learned how to handle them with humor. My clumsiness, awkwardness, and occasional, unwitting impropriety can make people uneasy. Though, I'm the one who ends up feeling the most apprehensive, recognizing that I've just done something idiotic.
Some examples for your review include the time that I realized I locked my keys in the car after going out for a celebratory meal with my son. Then I used the phone at the restaurant letting everyone there know I had locked my keys in the car, when in fact, I had my cell phone with me and could have called AAA privately. Yep, I compound the humiliation myself.
I wish that were the only time I'd locked my keys in the car but of course I've done it more than once. Like the time I left the car running for an entire workday. The car was running for 12 hours straight. Good thing it was winter. Did you know that security in a building with more than 20 stories will be super helpful and call all the businesses to let them know you lost your keys? I’m not saying they’ll keep a straight face doing it. Not to mention the warm greeting from the AAA guy, Patrick, who shows up after you've been locked out of the building, since it's an hour passed closing, and jovially asks, “How's your day?”. To which you can only respond in near hysteria, “Patrick, I'm livin' the dream!”.
I frequently wonder if there is videotape of me falling. Because graceful, I'm not. When I fall its colossal. Like the time after getting a pedicure in preparation to go on work awarded trip of a lifetime. The spectacular wipeout, in the smooth-soled, throw-away flip flops my lovely technician provided, down the rain-soaked porch stairs of the adorable Victorian house where the spa was located. Evening commuter traffic was at its heaviest. I imagine my windmilling arms caught someone’s attention. Or possibly they had a view of me crawling back up the stairs on my skinned hands and knees, dragging the instantly swollen broken toe, the color of which went beautifully with my newly painted toenails, to beg for a touch up.
There was the time when a weak ankle betrayed me as I walked through a frosted grass meadow. Blissfully unaware of the ruts hidden by overgrown grass. Swinging my pail of chicken shit, an egg tucked gently in my breast pocket, my phone riding the curve of my rump in my back pocket. One moment I’m confidently striding out in the field, the next I collapsed like a slow motion house of cards. The ripple effect flung the bucket about 10 feet away, shot the egg out of my pocket with the cannon-like pressure of an ample boob, and the reverberation of my ass launched my phone over my head landing 3 feet beyond my prone, face-down reach. The miracle of it all was that the egg didn't spatter, the phone stayed intact, and the chicken shit bucket landed upright, contents contained inside.
I often look around after these incidents to see if I need to take a bow. All video evidence should give the impression I intended to do that. Even though I may have no audience I feel the need to share these stories for posterity. Small indications that I've survived embarrassing moments, managed to get up again, and laugh at myself. Even if the occasion sometimes leaves aches and a few marks.
May your embarrassing moments come to bring you a sense that you are capable of surviving awkwardness at every age. And trust me. If you write them down, you’ll find the humor at some later date. Wait 'til you hear about the time I nearly burned down our home at the holidays! There's one to look forward to.
So, This Happened…. - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B099BVNV84
Comebacks I Wish I’d Thought of at the Time - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B099BYLFZS
Comentarios